Top 5 Products for the Patriot Who Has Everything

5. US Military Pool Cue Set

Americans may not have invented the game of billiards, but they have certainly produced some of its finest champions, invariably dubbed ‘Fats’ and they most definitely have made the best movies on the sport — we’re talking “The Hustler”, not its inferior sequel which Martin Scorsese made to pay off creditors. The cues can be purchased separately and there is one each for the Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, Coast Guard, and the U.S. Flag. This is the ideal way to support the troops on Independence Day, acknowledge the sacrifices made by past generations so that you could enjoy your present freedoms, and win 10 bucks by hustling some rube who thinks you can’t play worth a damn.
4. Stars and Stripes Nunchucks


If you party the way you should be partying on Independence Day, chances are the neighbors are going to get upset. Raising a ruckus and getting all the neighborhood dogs howling in unison is what freedom is all about. The perfect gift for the Independence Day partier who lives on the wrong side of the tracks, these slick-looking nun chucks will most certainly club the nearest beat cop investigating a disturbance into quick submission. They have “don’t tread on me” written all over them. It is recommended when rapping someone across the knees with these babies that you say something along the lines of “And that, came from the good ole’ U, S, of A”.
3. Old Glory Surgical Cap

While in revolutionary times, it’s unlikely to have been donned while lopping off a gangrenous limb, you can perform impromptu living room gallbladder removals or, if you’re actually a saw bones, atrial septal defect repair in the more sanitary confines of a surgical suite, while winking at the surgical nurses who’d no doubt delight in your youthful exuberance.
2. Stars & Stripes Guitar Pick Earrings

Have you ever been at a party where you’re asked to rock out on someone’s axe, and you demur with a ‘uh, I don’t have a pick?’ (or even a Mexican peso, famously played by Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top) Well, now you don’t have to empty out lint-riddled pockets with your very own, guitar pick earrings. Also works well with Hendrix, playing-guitar-behind-your-head impressions [for a quick tutorial, check out this portly fellow]
1. A Hat That Will Give you a Standing Ovation

This item speaks for itself, as does the pained expression on the model’s face, who looks like she’s being asked to ‘pull my finger’ rather than the string that makes the hands clap. Submitted by SharkGuys, check out their book , “The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery”
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