So, I went to some fast food places (I won’t say “restaurants”, just “places”), and picked up burgers/tacos, so I could compare them with the ads. (I love little projects like this…)
I brought the “food” home (different stuff over 3 nights), tossed it into my photography studio,
and did some ad-style shoots (with pictures of the official ads on my
computer next to me, so I could match the lighting/angles/etc).
People around the world know fast food as one of the most reliable distributors of disappointment ever produced by the business world. We know that if we ever feel the need to
complain about something, we can just grab a page out of a coupon
booklet, adorned in pictures of juicy burgers, then go have a party.
Why, the restaurants themselves usually plaster their walls with
pictures of juicy burgers – often hanging right over your table – so
that you need only open your eyes to find something to compare your food
with, while you eat it.
Needless to say, the results of my little project were unsurprising… which shouldn’t be a surprise.
Taco Bell’s “Crunchy Taco”.
The taco on the right is my life experience with Taco Bell (best of two tacos that I bought).
Once upon a time, occasionally dropping in to Taco Bell was something I did, and I always held this grudge: I said, “If you have a company called TACO Bell… and you have this item on your menu called “Crunchy Taco” – you know, like your flagship item – let us hope that it doesn’t look like THIS.” (seriously… we’ve got 3 ingredients in here: lettuce, “meat”, and cheese)
Once upon a time, occasionally dropping in to Taco Bell was something I did, and I always held this grudge: I said, “If you have a company called TACO Bell… and you have this item on your menu called “Crunchy Taco” – you know, like your flagship item – let us hope that it doesn’t look like THIS.” (seriously… we’ve got 3 ingredients in here: lettuce, “meat”, and cheese)
Since these tacos are pretty dry (and
devoid of ingredients), I can only tolerate them with hotsauce, which,
for me, is when they become good. Still, they’re no match for Carl’s
Jr.’s Nacho Tacos, which I also got to try recently (the chicken ones).
They cost a tad more (somewhere around $1.50), but are only sold at the
locations with “The Green Burrito” inside (it’s like a little Taco Bell inside the Carl’s Jr).
As much as I like to bash fast food,
bear in mind that I’m not going to make the common mistake of saying
that just because I’m against something, it can’t have ANY good sides,
such as fast food actually tasting good. (I say this because it’s important to understand
the difference between extremism and rationality, and many people
reading this – those who know that this site is about moving against the
failures of man (but don’t yet know my style) – might automatically
expect me to be extreme in my judgment of fast food… to the point of thinking I’m going to cross my arms, and say, “What? Fast food tasting good? Puh! Why it’s… it’s disgusting!”)
Since the human mind is a physical,
matter-based part of your body, it has fixed tastes that can’t easily be
changed. My brain is programmed to accept western-world tastes, which
are what I grew up on. This means, yes, I quite like the taste of fast food, and my saying so doesn’t mean that I’m not pressing for fast food’s
demise as much as I should. (now, I could easily just leave out all
positive mentions of taste, simply to keep from contributing ANYTHING to
fast food here, but I think making this point is more worth the effect).
There are many things that the brain
can’t pick-and-choose its acceptance of, no matter who you are. Anyone
part of a religion, for example, WILL laugh at a funny enough joke that
insults their figure-of-worship – maybe even laugh a lot – even if they
actually hate the joke so much that their skin starts to burn, and they
feel the need to literally go out and kill somebody. You can laugh and
hate at the same time. (the decision-making sector of your brain is
completely separate from the part that perceives humor… and,
unfortunately, there are SEVERAL parts of your brain that act completely
on their own, in this way… like fear, to name one; you don’t believe
there’s a monster there, but you still fear its actual presence).
I like how fast food tastes… I resent what it means… and I tell people that if the future of mankind means anything to them, don’t touch this stuff with a 20ft pole.
Think about this. Be rational and
balanced, not extreme. To be an extremists often means to be one-sided
to the point of self-delusion, and, when the time comes to pitch your
points – as extremists always feel the need – the unbending
one-sidedness makes you look biased and desperate, reducing how much the
other side feels they should consider what you’re saying.
I really do hate Whoppers, though:
Burger King’s “Whopper”
Burger King has had this a long time
coming, and the Whopper I got the other night was a sight to behold;
probably the ugliest Whopper I’ve ever seen in my life (though exactly
the size I remembered them being). I’m certain it was just a collection
of all the disappointment Burger King has ever served, manifest into a
curse, which was now coming back to haunt them.
I had a childhood of eating these, but, back then, they were a buck… not $3-4, or however much this was.
By the way, check this out:
By the way, check this out:
(for those who didn’t catch it, that was a Whopper Jr.)
Before we continue, there’s something everyone should understand:
burger size/presentation can certainly vary from location to location
(just usually not all that much). Example: once, when I was young, I
went to a Burger King right next to the beach, and the Whopper I got was
huge (comparatively), and had toasted buns! I never forgot that… though
I later speculated it was probably because California is known for its
great beach-side burger shops (REAL places), so this place had to
compete.
Back to price… things always get worse at McDonald$:
McDonalds’ “Big Mac”
$4 now will get you one of these ($3.99,
to be exact, but that 99 is BS psychology that I think should be
illegal… namely because it exploits known holes in human psychology).
The size was actually pretty close to the ad. Presentation was a different story (and what’s with my lettuce?).
For those who don’t know, Big Macs come in a little box. Looking down into the box, and lifting
the top bun, you ask yourself, “What is this sorry, dry thing?” Apple
fans know of Apple’s famous “unboxing experience” – when you open the
gloriously friendly, simple packaging of an iPhone/iPad/iMac/etc – but,
well, Big Macs are still working on theirs. (they should come with
little pink, polka-dotted bow-ties on top, or little top-hats… and,
given the price, they should be made out of real mink fur, or
something).
Big Macs taste really good, though, at least to me… even coming out of the fridge, the next
day. In comparison, a leftover Whopper (coming out of the fridge like a
mushy old sock from a trash bin), is a completely different story.
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After a little thinking, I realized something: you know, the ad Big Macs might not actually fit in that box… so, I did a test:
My measurements are unscientific
(therefore possibly off by a couple centimeters, whether for or against
the theory of ad Big Macs not fitting in their boxes), but it’s
extremely carefully done, so I certainly hold my candle up to it.
Also notice my burger’s buns have got a different, less attractive kind of sesame seed arrangement going on… Same here:
McDonalds’ “Angus Deluxe Third Pounder”
Another $4 burger (mine was $4.29, before tax)…
Well, I really liked the lettuce I got
with this one. You’ll certainly never see a Whopper or Big Mac with that
kind of lettuce. BUT WHERE’S THE MEAT?! It seems to be on a diet, whereas the ad meat was only missing a cowbell…
Flavor-wise, for me, it’s a pretty
average burger. When trying to figure out what keeps these on the menu
(for that price, at least), I think either some people out there really
like them, or they sell as one-time-buys, intended for people who drop
in late one night, and are deceived by the juicy picture… and have a LOT
of money.
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This is another “served in a box” burger (a wider, bigger box than the Big Mac), so I had to test again:
Yes, what you’re looking at could be the beginning of the end, for McDonald’s, once word of this reaches the masses.
I’m wondering if the other Third Pounder
burgers are the same, and, for that matter, if there are other ways to
show that ad burgers can’t realistically be served at the fast food
places, given their procedures. Examples I have in mind: (by the way,
pay attention, McDonald’s employees who are reading this).
Are some wrappers too small to be folded
the way that employees are taught to fold, if carrying an ad-sized
burger? What about the half-wrappers, that only cover one end, where you
hold the burger?
Is it legal to call the “Third Pounders”
that name if it’s only a third pound of meat while frozen, not when
it’s served to you? (The Angus box has a disclaimer about this… and I’m
assuming that cooking shrinks the patties).
I’m fairly certain that many ad shots
have all of the ingredients crammed up in the front. Is it legal to do
this, if the human mind perceives that this thickness must be wrapping
around the entire burger? (well, I guess it should be obvious that the
law doesn’t respect human perception and understanding… only technical
correctness, no matter how nonexistent that may appear to the receiving
end).
Anything else? (asking fed-up past and present McDonalds employees, and lawyers, for that matter. Please chime in here)
Jack In The Box’s “2 Tacos” (they come in 2)
I picked these up at a location not half
an hour from Jack In The Box’s headquarters. Since I’m showing the
largest tacos I could get, I can’t show you how they like to seal
themselves shut, exactly like a clam, so that you can’t even see inside.
The cheese acts as a perfect glue at the edges… I swear, if you had to
use one as a snorkel, to save your life, you would die.
They taste a lot better than they look,
but that’s because I don’t actually think they’re tacos; they’re just
tragically mishaped and mispresented nacho pockets (or something).
Pitching them as tacos is a crime against humanity, because we humans
have standards of what a taco should look like. And not seal itself shut
like.
Don’t ask me how this advertising is
legal. It seems that the law – at least in the US – is sometimes
designed to please the God of Technicality (who I imagine as a big,
super-angry robot, who demands absolute technical correctness), while
insulting man’s ability to perceive and judge.
The law for this stuff should take into
account things like the “innards-to-bun ratio”… (in other words, if the
ads show 70% innards, 30% buns, the real thing can’t be 10% innards, 90%
buns). Better yet, advertising should have to be able to stand up
against an ordinary group of people, who can vote on whether or not it
seems truthful to THEM. (It seems that today’s advertising may SOMEHOW
please the God of Technicality – don’t ask me HOW – even though we
people simply don’t subscribe to his technical glory).
I happily pitch the idea that lawmakers
are committing a crime against us people by allowing us to be
continually insulted by this advertising, and consequently this pursuit
of technical correctness, in defiance of human perception. Simply put,
we need to kill this God of Technicality.
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Back to the food itself, I don’t know if
the real-life tacos even CAN resemble those in the ads (not sure),
because, in the case of Taco Bell, it looks like physics wouldn’t allow
all the ingredients to stay inside the shell (there’d probably be an
avalanche on the sides), unless it was really PACKED in (which would
increase the mass beyond what the “chefs” (slop-slingers) are allowed to
put) …and don’t ask me what went wrong in the way Jack In The Box’s
tacos ended up being made. (I can’t see the ones on the left sealing
themselves together)
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________Studio Setup
I used three wireless flashes (often only firing two), a greenscreen, and a rotating chair…
This is what the original shots looked like…
Behind me was this computer, where I had the ad shots on the screens…
I also shot this Jack In The Box “Jumbo
Jack” (their flagship burger – attractive angle on the left), but
decided to only give limited attention to US-only fast food chains (in
fact, many parts of the US don’t even have Jack In The Box). I wanted to
cover Carl’s Jr. as well – the eternal gods of false advertising – but,
when thinking globally, they’re just too little of a chain, so it would
waste the time of lots of readers.
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In all cases, I gave the items as fair a
chance as absolutely possible, though I didn’t take the time to buy
multiples of anything except the tacos (whether that would’ve been to
choose the BEST stuff I could find, or pick out an average). …though,
you know, that Whopper really is from Hell. I want to leave it, just so
that the Burger King people can enjoy a little, what, maybe
disappointment?
Author: Dario D.http://alphaila.com
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